Swimming In Circles

There is so much we can do to render service, to make a difference in the world—no matter how large or small our circle of influence.
— Stephen Covey

Just when it seems it can’t get any worse, scarier, more hateful or batshit crazy, it does. An autocratic bully wages an unprovoked war against a neighbor, a Lone Star governor declares war on one of our most vulnerable populations, and the possibility of finding common ground with our fellow citizens seems like a bridge so too far that we can’t imagine ever finding our way across it to one another.

Given the sorry state of our beautiful but broken world, the temptation for many of us is twofold: Doom scroll through our usual sources of information that keep us solidly entrenched behind our ideological bunkers, and/or turn a blind eye to the world and go about our business, hoping it will be better tomorrow. Spoiler alert. It won’t. Not without our help. As in, all of our help.

So, just what in the hell are we supposed to do for heaven’s sake?

Always a fan of any tool that can help us make sense of complex things—like say, the state of the world—I can’t help but think of Stephen Covey and his model of our circles of concern and influence found in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Here’s my take on his model:

Imagine three concentric circles. Better yet, grab a piece of paper and draw them. (See mine below. Fill in your own accordingly.)

Label the outer, and obviously largest one circle of concern. Herein lie all of those things that keep us awake at night. Issues that try as we might, we can’t change, fix, or eliminate. From unprovoked war to extremism of every ilk, global warming to the inflation rate, hunger to homelessness, and oh-so-many-more, all are worries that are out of our control. It isn’t that they don’t matter. It’s that they are beyond our reach.

Time spent here is foolish.

Name the middle one circle of influence. This is where our rubber meets the world’s road. It’s where who we are and how we show up can have a direct impact on the people, issues, and problems we care about. Covey suggests, and rightly so, that as we invest our time, efforts, and resources here, our circles of influence expand, bringing a little more of the world and our concerns within our reach.

Time spent here is fruitful.

Finally, let’s label that small inner space circle of control. Smack dab in the middle of it all, we get to choose. It is up to us, and only us, to decide who we are and what we care about. In here we equip ourselves—body, mind, and heart—so as to bring the best of who we are to whatever time we have left on the planet. Our greatest chance of making a positive difference “out there” hinges on our willingness to take ourselves on “in here”.

Time spent here is foundational.

Every day we have a choice to make. Will we drown in our circles of concern, or learn to swim in our circles of influence? Our shared future hangs in the balance, and we will sink or swim together.

Green-Screening Your Life

This morning I texted good friends a photo of us from our snowshoeing adventure on the flanks of Mt. Hood. It was a glorious Pacific NW day, with brilliant blue skies, blazing sunshine, and Wy-East, as he is known to our Native American sisters and brothers, was out in all his glory. It was the kind of day that takes your breath away and reminds you of how amazing it is to be alive, and I wanted to share it.

Almost immediately a text came zooming back.

That’s some impressive green screen work... 😂

It made me laugh out loud.

But you know…he has a point.

It can be hard to tell real from fiction when it comes to what our lives actually look like. It is tempting to put ourselves in the best light possible, not wanting others to see our private struggles. We can carefully curate our lives with a backdrop that displays only that which is Instagram worthy, fearing what others might think if they saw the unfiltered truth of our everyday lives.

I’m not talking about disclosing in public spaces that which is in need of safe haven. There is way too much of that for anyone’s good. What I am advocating is that we find our people. Those with whom we can show up raw and uncensored, and speak our unfiltered truth. People who love us not in spite of our scars and imperfections, but at least in part, because of them. In other words, we need friends who can smell our green screen bullshit a mile away and gently, but firmly, call us on it. Because if I can’t tell you the real story of my life, then you might not tell me yours, and if we can’t see ourselves in one another’s stories, then where can we?

As tempted as I am with every passing year to use one of those nifty little apps that smoothe away my hard-earned lines and wrinkles, I sent this one off as is. What was great about this little text exchange today is that it came from a friend who already knows the real-meal-deal of who I am and what I struggle with. I guess you might call it the kind of friendship that is picture post card worthy. No green screen required.

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What's Love Got To Do With It?

Valentine’s Day can be rough.

It has become a commercially driven day to express our love for that “special someone” in just the right way.

But what if we don’t have a special someone? What if we have lost them in the myriad of painful ways that mean we are no longer able to share our lives with those we’ve loved? Under those circumstances, Valentine’s Day becomes a reminder of what we’ve lost.

But what if we are happily single? What if we are content sharing our heart with no one but ourselves? Under those circumstances Valentine’s Day can cause us to doubt our choice to go it alone as we field questions from total strangers about how we are going to celebrate a day in which being single seems like a problem.

But what if we don’t feel lovable? What if we have lost sight of our inherent worth simply because we are citizens of the planet, created in the image of the power behind it all, and sent here to love the world within our reach? Under those circumstances, Valentine’s Day becomes a reminder of how far we’ve drifted from our source and our soul.

But what if we don’t feel particularly dazzled by the one we love? What if we have found ourselves in one of those rough patches when it is glaringly obvious that love is as much, if not more of, a choice than a feeling? Under those circumstances Valentine’s Day becomes a reminder that love is far more complicated and much grittier than simple sayings on greeting cards and candy hearts.

Whenever money gets involved with love, it gets tricky. By some estimates consumers will spend in excess of $27 billion. That’s a lot of candy hearts.

So, what’s love got to do with it anyway?

When it comes to Valentine’s Day, who knows.

When it comes to life?

Everything.

Photo: pexels.com

Photo: pexels.com

Milestones

“I’m going to say three words, and I want you to remember them.”

Chair

Lemon

Sunrise

Yesterday I had what is called a Medicare Wellness Exam. We covered all the basics of a normal exam, with the addition of a few new twists now that I am old enough to be a card carrying Medicare recipient. Like remembering those three words, which the PA asked me to recall and repeat several times throughout the visit.

That exam was a milestone event even if no one said so. It was a stark reminder that I’m on the far side of youth, and that my final horizon here on this planet is getting closer every day.

Milestones aren’t reserved for those of us with at least 65 trips around the sun. They belong to the forty-something with their first pair of readers, new parents with someone other than themselves to care for, a high school graduate paying their first month’s rent, a recent retiree with time to spare, or a child wobbling off on a bicycle without the steadying hand of a parent.

We are all heading in the same direction, and there’s no turning back.

Every milestone is a reminder to be all-in, and if we aren’t, then today is the day to start.

(And yes, I still remember them.)

Chair

Lemon

Sunrise

Photo by erdinç ersoy from Pexels

Photo by erdinç ersoy from Pexels

AFTERWORD

 We learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. One becomes in some area an athlete of God. ~ Martha Graham

For the past month I’ve been writing about the words that found their way on to my list at the beginning of the year. Each word represents some aspect of who I aspire to be, and of how I intend to show up in the world.

These words? I want to embody these words. I want my life to be a tangible expression of each and every one of them as consistently as is humanly possible. And, it is doubtful that I will ever master each word perfectly, which is but one reason I am grateful that grace was the first word to appear on my list.

Bringing these words to life in the life that is mine is a practice, for if I know anything, it is that what we practice, we become.

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Final Word Of The Day: CULTIVATE

For the past few weeks I have focusedon a word of the day drawn from a list created at the beginning of January. Each word was chosen to serve as a guide to inspire and inform my steps through 2020. If you are just joining me now and want to look in on earlier posts on this topic, you will find links to each at the end.


CULTIVATE

As I write about this, the last word from my list, it seems fitting that today is the exact midway point between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox. Also known as the Vernal Equinox, the first day of spring ushers in a season of new growth.

Driving home from church today we passed fields that last week were unplowed, but are now tilled and readied for new crops. As it is for farmers, ranchers, and community gardeners, now is the time to set our minds upon that which we want to grow within us.

Whatever it is that wants to take root in our lives, it is time to prepare the soil, plant the seeds, and provide them with what they need to grow and thrive.

Photo by PhotoMIX Ltd. from Pexels

Photo by PhotoMIX Ltd. from Pexels

Word Of The Day: AUTHENTIC

Over the next few weeks I will be focusing on a word of the day drawn from a list created at the beginning of January. Each word was chosen to serve as a guide to inspire and inform my steps through 2020. If you are just joining me now and want to look in on earlier posts on this topic, you will find links to each at the end.

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”Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ~ Oscar Wilde

AUTHENTIC

I’ve always loved Levi’s®. As it states on their website, these iconic jeans are …the purest wearable form of authentic self-expression. They bear the markings of life, the shapes of our bodies, the memories of our adventures. To this day I am forever on the search for the perfectly worn pair of vintage 501®s. The ones with the button fly.

I want to live a Levi’s®kind of life. One that looks like me, sounds like me, and acts like me.

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