Loose Ends

I hate loose ends. Those tiny bits of this and that waiting to be finished and checked off the list. While there may always be a few threads here and there, right now it feels like life is nothing but frayed edges. Nothing earth shattering, just small things that need to be taken care of, and until they are, it will be hard to get traction on other things. Like a dog circling around and around and around trying to find a place to lie down, I’ve been circling around these things for days now, and it’s starting to wear on me, which in all likelihood means that I’m starting to wear on others too.

Well, not any more.

I’m getting up from my desk now, pad and pen in hand, and making a list room-by-room of the loose ends waiting to be tied off. I’ll be back shortly and let you see what I found

By the end of the weekend, these will be done. Just having them out of my head and down on paper, things are looking up.

Maybe you have some loose ends waiting to be tied up this weekend too. Think how good it will feel when they are.

The Freedom To Choose

“ I am not what happened to me,

I am what I choose to become.”

Carl Jung

Crossing The Bridge

In my work I help people find their way forward, and always toward a more authentic and wholehearted life. This never happens without encountering some difficult terrain along the way. In order to become more of who we are meant to be, there are choices to make, challenges to overcome, courageous conversations to have, and new skills to practice.

Sometimes getting from where we are now to where we want to go seems so far away, that getting there feels next to impossible. The decisions to be made are too daunting, the unknown too scary, the obstacles too big, the conversations too intimidating, and the new skills so far outside our comfort zone that we can’t imagine ever mastering them.

When encountering this space with someone, whether that be a client, a friend, a family member, or myself for that matter, I always try to explore the reality of the perception that the distance to be covered is simply too great. There are times when the bridge from here to there is so long that it appears to drop off of the horizon. However, there are other times when the distance is very short, but the bridge to get there is over a canyon that is so deep and dark, that we can’t see the bottom. We can only hear the raging river far below. In my experience, these canyons have been eroded over long periods of time by the turbulent waters of our old stories, obsolete beliefs, and tightly held fears. If we never cross the bridge, we’ll never find out what life could be like on the other side.

Long distances and deep canyons are both daunting. But if we want to move toward wholeness, and the people we are meant to be, there is only one way to do that. Whether a bridge too far or a canyon too deep, our only choice is to keep going.

Money Laundering

What is it about money?

Money is a means of exchange for goods and services, and in and of itself is sort of innocuous. Yet it is often anything but. It’s hard to talk about, drives wedges in relationships, ends friendships, destroys businesses, and can quickly become so contentious that it rips families apart.

A few weeks ago, at the end of a wonderful lunch with friends, our server brought the check. We hadn’t really talked through how we would spilt the check, and so there was that familiar moment of awkward silence, until one friend said it like it was. Why is money so hard? That broke the silence as we all laughed and acknowledged what she’d said. We figured it out, paid the bill, and all was well.

Today, after a fantastic family gathering last weekend, where everyone pitched in to share in the cost of food, it was time to settle up. A couple of us had done the shopping and everyone else slipped me their cash contribution throughout the course of the weekend. I put it all in the white vase in my closet to be counted up later, or at least I thought I did. Adding it up, I was $50 short. I checked every pocket I could think of, looked inside the book I’m reading, my lingerie drawer, and under the cushion of the chair in my closet where I throw my clothes when I’m in a hurry (or tired, or lazy for that matter). Still short fifty bucks, since I was the one who’d lost it, I’d be the one to eat it.

Oh well.

Such is life with money sometimes.

And then…I remembered to check the washing machine, and sure enough, Alexander Hamilton and Andrew Jackson have never been so clean.

How we manage money with others can damage relationships if we aren’t careful. Doing it right and keeping things clean when it comes to money and other people isn’t always easy, but it’s actually pretty simple. Talk about it up front, seek mutual understanding, come to agreement, follow through on your commitments, and circle back if something doesn’t seem right.

Money is a big deal, but not the real deal, and while it may not grow on trees, it never hurts to check the washing machine.

When To Put It Off

There are days to do certain things, and days not to. 

Today is a do-not sort of day when it comes to resolving a current issue on my iMac. Not that I haven’t tried, but on the phone in conversation, yet again, with Apple Support, I could feel my skin start to itch and my face getting hot. It wasn’t that the person on the other end of the phone wasn’t trying to provide good service. They were. It was just that everything they asked me to try either didn’t work, I didn’t understand how to do what they were asking, or, because of our less than speedy internet service, the file they requested wouldn’t download, upload, reload or whatever-the-hell-load. 

While I have a decent number of gifts and areas of competency and expertise, technological anything is not, as they say, in my wheelhouse. Give me a relationship issue, an interpersonal communication breakdown, a roadblock to finding your true and most authentic self, or spotting wildlife, and I’m your girl. Have an issue involving technical anything, and you might as well be talking to a stump. A very frustrated stump.

The longer I stayed on the phone today, the shorter my fuse became. Due to the fact that Apple needs some real-time data in order to resolve this issue, that data needs to be collected and uploaded for their engineering team to get to the root of the problem. Due to the fact that the beautiful little valley where we live doesn’t provide us with access to the powerful internet service necessary to get them what they need, a root canal is starting to sound easier to handle. And so, I’m not going to try to handle it any more. At least not today. Tomorrow, after a good night of sleep and a workout at the gym, I’ll probably be ready to give it another go.

Timing can be everything, and attempting to do something at the wrong time rarely turns out right. Whether it be having a courageous conversation, updating a resume, creating a budget, starting therapy, seeking forgiveness, developing a new habit, ending a relationship, or resolving a frickin technical issue, doing it when we have the right mindset and emotional capacity to take it on can make all the difference.

Or…..

As my new rendition of the old saying goes…

Always put off till tomorrow what shouldn’t be done today. 

Photo by picjumbo.com from Pexels

The Good Stuff

The truth of the matter is that we want to share life with people who bring out the best in us. They are the ones who believe in us, encourage us to show up fully, shine lights into our blind spots, and see in us what we can’t see for ourselves.

Some further and rather inconvenient truth about the matter, is that the only people who bring out the best in us are also those who see the worst in us. When we fail—sometimes miserably—in front of each other, it is a chance to practice staying in when it would be easier to step out, moving toward each other rather than away, and staying in the conversation rather than shutting down. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

Some even further truth of the matter is that it’s hard stuff, this becoming our best selves, and we can’t do it alone. Find your people, stick together, call each other out, and cheer each other on, because while it may be the hard stuff, it’s all the good stuff.

With deep gratitude to all who help me be my best self…you know who you are.

Leaving Our Mark

There is a tradition at the Glenwood Rodeo, and every year it gives me pause. At the beginning of the show and before the events get underway, time is taken to honor those in the community who are no longer with us. It may be a veteran who served, a longtime resident who passed away, or a community member that left us too soon. For each person being remembered, a cowboy rides around the arena leading a riderless horse as our beloved announcer pays tribute.

This year one of those who is no longer with us was a young man named Angel, and along with working on one of the original ranches in our area, he attended community college to learn the art of saddle making. His new craft gave him great pride and hope for his future, and while his future was cut short, his pride in his work will live on.

In listening to this tribute today, I learned that a maker leaves his or her own unique mark on every saddle they craft. It is a mark that says I believe in what I do enough to stamp it as my own. Those lucky enough to own a saddle that came from Angel’s hands will treasure it even more now that he is gone, his mark a reminder of what it looks like to believe in what we offer enough to stamp it with our own unique mark for all to see.

Damn Straight

There is an important project underway at our home. A dog run for Gracie-the-chocolate-labradoodle. It has been on the to-do list for awhile now, but suddenly there is a critical reason for it to be done NOW. She is over 8 months old and could be going into heat for the first time any day now. This weekend a male dog will be joining us when our family gathers for the rodeo, and this handsome Brittany Spaniel is still fully capable of siring a litter. Now I’m sure he and lovely Gracie would make beautiful babies together, but (a) she is too young, and (b) we are too old, or at least wise enough to know better than to take on a litter of puppies. Thus, the construction of Gracie’s Space is in full swing.

It has taken Tom two days to align the fence posts perfectly. It’s been a slow process of measuring, adjusting, cutting, re-measuring, re-adjusting, re-cutting, re-re-measuring, re-re-adjusting, and re-re-cutting, until, as Tom proudly muttered today from beneath his cowboy hat covered sweaty brow, If you find f#%*ing straighter posts anywhere, you let me know.

And those suckers are straight, no doubt about it. With the temperatures soaring and the deadline for the weekend looming, it would have been easy for him to cut corners and do with straight that was good enough. But for this pen to embody that magical combination of form and function, straight posts are the corner stone on which it all hinges.

There are times to cut corners. Situations where good enough is well, good enough. Not every project or task is worth the effort. But some are.

Is Gracie worth the extra effort to do it right you might ask?

You’re damn straight she is!

2:00AM

What is it about 2:00 am?

What if Social Security goes bankrupt in my lifetime?

How will I ever pay off my student loans?

What if we run into a bear on our backpacking trip?

What if I lose my biggest client?

What if I fall asleep in the car tomorrow on the way to my sister’s house?

Will I have enough money to last for the rest of my life?

What if my baby never learns to sleep through the night?

What if no one buys my book?

What if my house doesn’t sell?

Did I drink too much last night?

Where will I live?

What did I do wrong?

What if my test shows that I have cancer?

Am I getting dementia?

Will I ever fit into those jeans again?

These are the thoughts that show up in the middle of the night, and we can’t seem to find our way out of the maze that is fear, worry, anxiety, overwhelm, and hopelessness. While most of those thoughts fade away as a new day dawns, there are those that seem to be repeat guests. As darkness settles around us, they find our vacancy sign turned on, making room for them to crawl in with us again. Instead of enduring another night of tossing and turning, maybe we can recognize such thoughts as a wake-up call. Like an alarm clock, they are a signal meant to wake us up to a need or issue that needs our attention.

Worried about student debt? Call a credit counseling service and make a plan.

Quaking at the thought of a bear in the middle of the trail? Order a can of bear spray.

Ruminating on what you did to cause the rift in a relationship? Go for a walk together and dig a little deeper.

Hate the feeling of those tight jeans? Throw them out, or get on the treadmill.

Whatever it is that keeps us awake at night is best addressed in the light of day.

Photo: Pixabay

This Is It

Over an early morning cup of coffee, my dear friend and I were talking about how much time people (ourselves included) spend working on it. We talked about all the its in our lives. All the things we’ve worked on in order to get better, do better, be better. We’ve worked on ourselves, our relationships, our work, and everything in between, and we worked on whatever it was as if it were a destination. A place to arrive and finally be done with it.

And then we got it.

This is it.

This is it.

This is it.

This is it.

Always has been. Always will be.