Lockstep: Refers to walking extremely close together, with each person stepping in exactly the same rhythm as the person in front of them.
We are hikers. Never happier than when on a trail somewhere, my geologist and I most often find ourselves walking at the same pace. Whether single file or side-by-side, our feet naturally fall into rhythm together, and if one of us changes pace, the other adjusts, bringing us back into lockstep. I never like it when we get out-of-step on the trail. Or anywhere else for that matter. It feels awkward, weird, and just plain wrong, and so I am quick to adjust and get us back into that reassuring, familiar, synchronized pattern. Lockstep. It’s just how we do it.
But then he had the nerve to need unexpected open-heart surgery last summer.
His recovery has been a marathon, not a sprint. Suddenly walking in lockstep meant slowing way, way, way down. We went at his pace. Whether on a morning walk, getting from the car to the grocery store, or eventually, our twice-weekly hike up our favorite logging road, the rhythm and speed were his to set and mine to match. Over time, his strength and stamina are returning, which is a good thing, while mine have lost some ground due to our slower, shared pace, which is a not-so-good thing.
On a recent hike, coming to one of the steeper sections of the logging road, I suggested that I needed to begin to push myself harder. To increase my speed, up my heart rate, and challenge my limits. He was quick to say “You go for it, girl!”. And so I did. Headed up, leaving the steady, familiar sound of his footfall behind me. At first it felt awkward, weird, and just plain wrong. It felt like I was abandoning him, and our commitment to go it together. But as I moved up the hill, pushing myself to get stronger, it dawned on me that he was doing the same thing, too. Just me at my pace and him at his. We were still in sync, moving to the beat of the same-but-even-deeper drum.
As I continue to forge ahead, he is challenging himself too, and we are almost back in lockstep on the trail. But no matter the pace, the same or different, as we near the top we fall back into step so that we can reach the top together.
What is true on the trail is true in life. There is something about being in sync with someone you love that feels really good, offering reassurance and a sense of confidence, connection and safety. We all know how good it feels when we are. And, we also know how not good it feels when we aren’t.
Sometimes walking in lockstep means going the same pace. But sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it means one has to fall behind while the other charges ahead.
It’s not about going the same pace.
It’s about reaching the top together
