Do you want to say more about that?
That was the question I recently asked someone. It all started as a lot of conversations do, with a general inquiry into how one is doing. The answer was a vague mixture of ok and not ok, Not knowing him well, I didn’t want to step in where not welcome, and also didn’t want to step away if there was more to say.
Do you want to say more about that?
He paused and seemed to be weighing his options. Say more? Say less? Say nothing? I waited as he found his way to a decision. Quietly, haltingly, he shared something painful going on in his life. We both agreed that it sucked, and that unfortunately the only way to the other side of sucky is to wade through the current suckiness.
Do you want to say more about that?
The question is a bridge should someone want to cross. Or not. It is quiet and gentle, and leaves all of the agency with the person being asked. It doesn’t probe, prompt or push. It invites. It says I’m here and ready to listen if you have more to say. It suggests the presence of a safe space to open up, or a door through which to make one’s leave. Either way, the person will feel seen, heard, and respected. Which absolutely does not suck.
