You know how sometimes things come in threes? Seemingly disconnected at first, those three things come together and form something cohesive. Something that gives us a new insight, or a way of looking at things. In this case, things like decision making.
Over the past two days I’ve had an in-person experience, a phone conversation, and an email. Three different things, all pointing to one thing.
Remember Who You Are And What You Stand For
Sunday morning we were playing a “rousing” game of 10,000. It’s a dice game our family has played for years, not because it challenges us, but because it connects us. Our 17 year-old grandson was playing his first ever game. It says something lovely about his character that he was willing to play a boring game with us elder-folk. Adding up the score from his latest throw, he decided to take the 350 points rather than rolling the remaining three dice to see if he could add a few more points. Scooping the dice up to pass on to the next player, we all said, “No! You had more points there. You can keep rolling.” Sitting quietly for a minute, he said, “No. I already picked them up.” And there it was. A rung on the decision making ladder. He wasn’t going to cheat. Take the easy way out. Get more points when he’d already made his move. That says something lovely about him, too.
My dad, his great-grandfather, had a mantra: “Remember who you are and what you stand for.” We all grew up with it, and they were words that he shared far and wide with anyone who would listen. When we know who we are at our core, when we know what we believe, care about, and value, decision making becomes a bit more simple. In that moment, on a sunny Sunday morning, sitting at a farm table on our deck, in a silly dice game that doesn’t count for much, Our grandson knew who he was and what he stood for, and chose accordingly.
More Joy? Less Joy?
Awhile back, my nephew shared a Tim Ferris podcast episode featuring Martha Beck. It was a fantastic interview, and worth multiple listens. One of the things that stuck out in that podcast, to both of us, was Martha Beck’s straightforward barometer when encountering a decision. The barometer? Joy. Does this opportunity/invitation/relationship/job offer/fill-in-you-own-blank bring me more joy or less joy? She has put her stake in the ground that joy will be her guide. Something she can call upon in the moment of decision to guide her choices.
On the phone with my nephew earlier today we revisited that podcast. He was recently faced with a career decision to take on a new role. Weighing the options, he turned it down. He knew which decision would bring him more joy, which one less, and chose accordingly.
3. Know Your Yes
In an email exchange with a deeply-good friend today, he shared that he is making a choice to step away from a body of work that has been both purposeful and meaningful. It’s been rich and rewarding work that has made a difference in a lot of lives. It is work that will carry on as those with whom he has worked carry what they’ve learned and who they’ve become as a result out into their worlds. Thoughtful by nature, this was not a quick decision. One that I am sure he has pondered and mulled over time, listening to the voices of those he trusts, starting with his own found deep within.
Not all decisions come down to ‘yes’ or ‘no’, but many do. Focusing on the no'-s, on what we don’t want can be part of the process. But the process does’t stop there. It doesn’t stop until we know our YES. The YES is the clarifier. It is what closes the door to what has been and opens the one to what will be. Looking down his road, he knew his YES, and chose accordingly.
It all boils down to this. Our lives don’t happen by accident. It is the decisions we make, that make the life we have.
