We’ve all heard about the importance of setting boundaries. I get it. It is important to define what’s ok and what’s not. To clarify who has what level of access to us, and in some cases, who doesn’t have any. Boundaries are meant to demarcate limitations in order to guard our heart, mind, soul, time, resources, and energy. Ideally, they are meant to protect us by staking out the land that is our life, and in the process can often help us love better. Ourselves, and others.
But lately I’ve been wondering if maybe this boundary thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. If you’ve worked hard to set some boundaries—I have too—stick with me here. Sometimes strong, immovable barriers are absolutely necessary to keep us safe, and should be clearly defined and strictly enforced. Period.
What I’ve been pondering is whether there is another way to think about it all. Something that will do the same thing, but will go about it differently. What if instead of putting up boundaries to protect our life, we built frameworks to support our life? That’s what a framework does. It is an essential support structure to something. Whether it’s a building, a car, a bicycle, an NFL stadium, or a life, a family, a marriage, a friendship, or a business, it is the framework that supports it. It is the framework that defines it. A well designed framework reinforces the life we intend to live, and provides a foundation upon which to build. A boundary, it seems to me, doesn’t exactly do that.
A boundary is something we defend. A framework is something we design.
A boundary is something we set. A framework is something we inhabit.
A boundary puts a wall around our life. A framework builds a home for our life.
A boundary is about locks. A framework is about keys.
A boundary is easier to set, but harder to keep. A framework is harder to set up, but easier to keep up.
Something worth pondering.
