A Fly In Our Ointment

"Dead flies cause the ointment of the apothecary to send forth a stinking savour: so doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wisdom and honour." Ecclesiastes 10:1 (King James Version)

Sometimes a memory just shows up and makes you smile and cringe, all at the same time.

Lots of years ago when I was a single mom, making my way back to financial security, I’d finally been able to purchase a small home in a quiet neighborhood. And while I felt proud of that accomplishment, it still didn’t measure up to what I thought life should look like. Most of my friends seemed to have found a way to purchase larger homes, furnished with new furniture, in nicer neighborhoods. Most of my furnishings had been gathered at estate sales, the goodwill, and hand-me-downs from friends and family. It was cozy, but far from classy, and I wanted classy.

Getting ready for a family celebration in our humble abode, I surveyed the wine selection. My budget afforded me to buy jug wine. My vision for what it meant to be a classy hostess meant a selection of lovely bottles. Then I remembered that I had a few empty bottles that others had brought to earlier gatherings stashed out in the recycling bin. I grabbed a couple of the empties, dusted them off, and filled them with the jug wine. There’s more than one way to skin a classy cat! The jug wine appeared for all the world to be the nice wine depicted on the label.

Until.

Pouring the first glass for the first guest, along with the jug wine, out poured a dead fly. Not what you’d call classy. In my rush to put on a good appearance I had neglected to do a thorough cleaning of the old bottles.

Classy is being proud of where you are. Folly is pretending to be where you are not.

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Showing Up

Tonight there is a community conversation centered around my book BLUSH: Women & Wine. In that book, I suggest that we all have our coping mechanisms of choice. Those ways in which we hide from our own lives, and distance ourselves from the things we’d rather not face, the feelings we’d rather not experience, and the parts of ourselves that we try to keep under lock and key. As I say in BLUSH,Wine has been my “thing”. For others, it may stake no claim, and I raise my glass to them. But. Something does. Whether addiction to our smart phones or binge watching the latest hit series, smoking pot or online shopping, perfectionism or endless productivity, serving others so that we can ignore ourselves, nightly cocktails or an overflowing social calendar, excessive exercise or a fist full of peanut butter cups, a common thread in the fabric of the human soul is the temptation to avoid pain and discomfort. But hiding from our life today only means running back into it again tomorrow, and the truth of the matter is, it takes so much more energy to run away from our life than to show up for it.

Rather than what is so often cast as a “book talk” byShowing the author, this one is a place to be in conversation with one another. A safe space in which to wonder together, what does it mean to show up fully for the life that is ours, and what prevents us from doing that? Our questions are our own to live. But there is something good that happens when we choose to live them together. There is safety in numbers. Going it together reminds us that we are not alone in our efforts to make sense of things.

So, tonight we will gather together, over glasses of wine (yep…still love the stuff) and share our stories. We are story tellers at heart, and we see ourselves in one another’s stories. My plan is to go first because someone has to. And I’ve learned that if I am willing to tell my story, it can give others the courage to do the same.

Let’s show up for life and tell our stories!

Cheers.

Who Do I Want To Be?

Question of the day:

Who do I want to be in the midst of the life that I have?

We can’t change other people. We really can’t.

We can’t control many of the things that make life challenging. We really can’t.

What we can do is bring the best of ourselves to the day before us. And then get up and do it again tomorrow.

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Wishing It Were Different

When morning comes and my eyes open to the dawn of another day, I have to be honest - my first thought isn’t one of welcome and joy. I’m not one who wakes up with a light heart.

I wish it were different. But it’s not.

I’ve tried waking up with gratitude by expressing thankfulness for a new day. And while I am truly, deeply grateful for every day given to me, I just don’t feel that way as I surface from sleep.

I wish it were different. But it’s not.

In my imagination I should wake up filled with happy feelings, ready to grab life by the hand and head out into the new day. In my imagination, if I were truly crafting a meaningful life, I wouldn’t wake up with a feeling that might best be described as melancholy.

I wish it were different. But it’s not.

Wishing it were different doesn’t make it so. It does, however, make it harder.

Parker Palmer, the writer, activist and teacher, refers to the soul as a wild animal. While it may be tough, resilient, resourceful, savvy, and self-sufficient: and, it knows how to survive in hard places, it is also exceedingly shy. Which means that if we want to catch a glimpse of a wild animal hidden in the forest, we must wait quietly, giving it a chance to emerge. So it seems must I wait quietly for my soul to emerge from sleep. Given quiet and time, and, of course, that sacred first cup of French Press coffee, the soul I know as mine makes her appearance. That’s just how she rolls. Taking me by the hand, we are off on another day of crafting a meaningful life.

As we let go of wishing it were different, we are able to welcome it as it is. And that is what makes all the difference.

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On Our Toes

Recently, in conversation with a young professional, we talked about important skills that might help further their professional growth and development. The one that came to mind was the ability to think well on the spot. This wise young person referred to it as thinking on your toes. Now maybe that is a familiar phrase to everyone but me, but I’d never heard it put that way before.

Thinking on our feet is one thing. But thinking on our toes? That takes things to a whole new level.

To think on our toes means that we are poised and ready.

To think on our toes means that we are agile and responsive.

To think on our toes means that we live with anticipation, eager to encounter what life brings our way.

To think on our toes means that we’ve put in the time it takes to be able to trust ourselves in the moment.

To think on our toes means that we won’t get caught flat footed when challenges hit us or opportunity knocks.

To think on our toes means that we see life as the dance that it is, and are always ready to learn new steps.

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The Voice Of The Soul

Today in church, we bid a sad but fond and deeply grateful farewell to one of the musicians at our church. For the last nine years, Bob has generously shared his gift of music with us, his hands moving over the piano keys as his music simultaneously moved our hearts. He will be missed. His gift of music will be missed. However, while with us, he reminded us of the richness that music infuses into our daily lives. Of how empty it might be without it.

As our pastor reflected today, from the earliest of days, people have long known that music is necessary.

Music is the voice of the soul.

Let’s tune in.

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Sabbath

“Sabbath is more than the absence of work; it is not just a day off, when we catch up on television or errands. It is the presence of something that arises when we consecrate a period of time to listen to what is most deeply beautiful, nourishing, or true. It is time consecrated with our attention, our mindfulness, honoring those quiet forces of grace or spirit that sustain and heal us.”

Wayne Muller, Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives

Today, may we turn our attention to the quiet forces that sustain and heal us.

Letting The Dust Settle

At the end of an especially intense week full of emotional ups and downs, I am reminded of the importance of letting the dust settle.

After any time of intense emotional turmoil, difficult conversations, and unresolved issues, if you are like me, it is tempting to just keep stirring up the emotional dust. To become our own little swirling dust devils spinning out of control, negatively impacting all within our path.

We would be better served, as would those around us, to give ourselves time to sift through the dust and uncover our true feelings, suss out what lies at the heart of the issue, and wrap our minds around what’s really going on.

Only when the dust has settled, can clearer heads prevail.

The Question Of Help

Most people genuinely want to help others. We love to lend a hand, step in and provide assistance, give support, and do what we can to ease the burdens of others. Not just nice lyrics in a classic song, we really do get by better with a little help from our friends - and family - and sometimes complete strangers for that matter.

However.

There can be a fine line between helping and hindering. When we are too quick to step in and help, we risk hindering someone’s chance to step up. When we automatically react to someone’s hardship, there is a good chance they won’t reflect on what’s actually necessary to address the underlying need.

Sometimes helping out means holding back.

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Not So Quick

Speed of progress is often the measure by which we gauge success. How quickly can we accomplish, produce, create, finish, or achieve the desired results? While there’s no disputing that sometimes things need to be done quickly, it isn’t always the best measure of success in the grand scheme of things. An equally valuable indication, if not more so in many cases, is continued movement in the right direction. Whether talking about building a better relationship, writing a book, building a career, or crafting a meaningful life, steady progress creates the traction necessary to succeed in any endeavor that matters.

In a world that seems to value quickness over quality it can be hard to take the long view. But then again, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

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