The Garage Day 2

When it comes to cleaning, clearing, and organizing a garage, like many things in life, it’s different strokes for different folks. I’m a tosser, he’s a saver, and with those two facts in play, as you can imagine, this project could stir up a little emotional stuff for the two of us. However, if we’ve learned anything in our 25 years together, it is that while we couldn’t be much more different, our commitment to one another is the same. So this morning, before setting one foot in the garage, we sat down with our coffee, and along with my sister and her husband who are here to help, had a conversation about what we wanted to be true at the end of this daunting project. Yes, by the end of the week we want to have made major progress. Yes, by the end of the week we want to have hauled away as many truck loads as possible. Yes, by the end of the week we want to have created a much more organized and clean space in which to start using the garage for the purpose it was originally built. And, yes, and most importantly, by the end of the week the four of us want to have all laughed together, had fun together, and be even more grateful for one another.

When it comes to cleaning, clearing, and organizing a garage, like many things in life, the project isn’t the real project. What matters in the end is how we conducted ourselves in the midst of the project. What matters in the end is how we related to one another in the midst of the project. What matters in the end is whether or not we are better people, both individually and collectively, because of the project. That can only happen when we realize that the project isn’t the real project. It is just a vehicle to become even more of the authentic and wholehearted people we are called to be.

Stay tuned.

Elking

It’s called Elking. A made up verb that you won’t find in any dictionary, but those of us who do it know exactly what it means. Throw a coat on over your pjs, stick your feet in a pair of Uggs, grab a steaming cup of coffee, hop in the SUV, and head out for a long, meandering drive through the Glenwood Valley to try and spot some elk.

However.

Elking isn’t really about the elk.

It’s about a beloved family tradition that we created together that makes time for connection. On those drives through the valley problems have been solved, weddings planned, questions posed, answers found, forgiveness asked, grace extended, courageous conversations broached, and next steps discovered.

Elking isn’t really about the elk.

Huddled together in the car, heated seats on high and windows open to let in the cold mountain air, we are bound together by our shared stories, family ties, and commitment to one another come what may. We laugh cry, disagree, find our way to common ground, and sometimes, we actually see some elk.

Givers Of Life

Once a month I have a video call with two individuals who are not only respected colleagues, but also dear friends. It is a call that I look forward to from the moment we end our time together until the next one rolls around. The three of us have worked together in various ways over the years, and while we value and respect one another professionally, it is the personal connection that keeps us coming back for more. Together we’ve created a safe space for courageous thinking, a shelter from our storms, and a shared home for our hearts and hurts.

Every call has a way of infusing more life into my being.

Today was supposed to be our monthly call, and as much as I look forward to it, I almost bowed out of it. After a couple of emotionally packed weeks, I simply felt like I didn’t have the capacity to show up as anything but a worn out mess, and taking anything off of my calendar sounded like a good idea. When I mentioned this to my sister who is here visiting, like any good big sister, she had a word of advice. She reminded me of how life-giving this call always is, and thankfully, like any good little sister, I listened to her.

No matter how I show up at the beginning of the call, I am always better at the end of it, and today was no exception.

The moral of the story?

Make time for life-giving connections, and listen to your big sister.

Only Say It ONCE

Lately it seems my best teachers are small humans younger than three years of age, four-legged pups, and expert dog trainers.  

As we work to help Gracie-the-chocolate-labradoodle become her best and happiest doggie self, we are leaning on the wisdom of one Matt Luchinger, owner and trainer extraordinaire of NWB Dogs (North West Balanced Dog Training). He has a basic principle that not only applies to dogs, but could help us become our best and happiest human selves too...

Only say it ONCE.

When working with Gracie, and teaching her to respond to our commands, Matt is very clear on ONE point. Only say the command ONE time. For example, if asking her to “Sit”, we are to say the command word once, and then wait for her to respond by, well, sitting. There are several steps leading up to helping her recognize the word, and what is expected of her, but once it is clear that she understands what we are asking of her (which she does), when we repeat the word multiple times, we are training her that we don’t really mean what we say. That she can take her own sweet time and sit when she is good and ready. Not what we are after. Allowing her to ignore our request is setting her up for behaviorial issues, and potential risk of harm down the road. If that happens, Gracie is not the one responsible. That outcome lies squarely at our feet. We are the ones who have trained her not to take us seriously by giving her a mixed message, and if we could read her little doggie thought bubble, it would probably say, “Do they really mean it or not?” 

The same can be said in our human interactions and relationships. When we develop the skills to say what we mean, and demonstrate that we mean what we say, everyone will be better served. When we have to repeat ourselves multiple times in order for get people to take us seriously, it might not be on them. Maybe we’ve been giving them a mixed message, and if we could read their little thought bubble, it would probably say “Do they really mean it, or not?”

Does It Have To Hit The Fan?

Little did we know when we brought Gracie-the chocolate-labradoodle into our home, that we were getting a four-legged, curly haired spiritual master. Kind of like our own personal Yoda. But cuter.

We learn from her all the time, and simply caring for her daily needs brings profound lessons. None more so than cleaning up her daily piles out in the yard. Because we are diligent to do so, we are not left with landmines to be avoided, or more likely, stepped in. Once stepped in, there is a whole lot more work to be done in order to clean things back up so as not to bring the un-dealt with shit into our home.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a darn good metaphor for life.

In real life, sometimes we procrastinate, neglect to clean up our messes, and just wait until it all hits the fan, at which point life gets a whole lot harder, not to mention messier. The nasty smelling stuff gets thrown all over anyone within striking distance, and there is a lot of clean up to do. But like little Gracie is teaching us, it happens, and when it does, it is so much easier to pick it up and deal with it, rather than leave it to accumulate.

When it comes to Gracie, we have a practice in place, and because we have committed to the practice, it has become a habit.

See the stuff.

Deal with the stuff.

Be done with the stuff.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds like another darn good metaphor for life.

See our stuff.

Deal with our stuff.

Be done with our stuff.

This, of course, isn’t a one and done deal. We will be cleaning up after ourselves for as long as we draw breath. But the stronger our commitment to the practice, the more deeply engrained the habit.

We can wait for the shit to hit the fan.

But it’s a whole lot easier to deal with if we don’t.

Lessons From The Field

Nobody thought they’d make it into the playoffs, but as they have been known to do, the Seattle Seahawks defied the odds and did. After a disappointing loss last night to the Dallas Cowboys, in which they mostly got in their own way, (although kudos to the Cowboys for doing what it took to come out victorious) it is time to reflect on the season, and what we can learn from this team that I love.

It isn’t other people’s opinion that matters.

The team started the year by losing all four of their pre-season games, the first two of the regular season, and entering week 10, found themselves with a 4-5 record. The football world pretty much wrote them off, casting this as a “re-building” year, not a year in which anything special could happen. Au contraire said those inside the locker room overlooking Lake Washington. That something special, as articulated by head coach Pete Carrol, one of the classiest in the NFL, is “Without question, it’s this connection our guys have. Their willingness to keep going the extra step, the extra mile, whatever it takes to keep adding.” They always believe that something good is about to happen, regardless of the odds, minutes left on the clock, or the media chatter, and more times than not, something good does, even if it doesn’t show up on the scoreboard.

There’s a difference between winning and being victorious.

In his post game press conference, WR Doug Baldwin admitted to being frustrated, sad, and disappointed. Who wouldn’t be? However, his message as one of the leaders in the locker room is that if the players, individually and collectively, can learn from this disappointing end to the season and use that to get better, closer, and more committed, while they might not be victorious, they still won in the bigger picture. “The challenges are hard, and it’s difficult, but you should never be afraid of failure. Failure is what helps you grow. If you’re not growing, you’re staying stagnant. If you’re staying stagnant, you’re done.”

While it’s about football, it’s not about football.

No doubt about it, life in the NFL has a relatively short shelf life. Career ending injuries, the end of a contract, or getting cut from the team, if it’s only about what happens on the field, that’s not a great return on the investment these players have to make to be able to play in a game open only to an elite few. If they don’t come out the other side of their career as better men, as better human beings, they’ve left way too much on the field. Again, WR Doug Baldwin - “I think the best thing we will do from this point on moving forward is that we will take these lessons and learn from them and grow and be better, not only as football players, but as men. That is vastly more important.”

Build on the past and move forward.

That about sums it up in a nutshell. On or off the football field, the past serves as the foundation for what will happen next. The past is out of their hands, leaving them free to grab hold of the future, believing that something good is about to happen. That sounds like a good way to live.

Onward and upward.

Go Hawks!

Sisters

There’s just something about a sister.

My one and only sister Margie turns 73 today, and it’s safe to say that I can’t imagine walking the planet without her. She’s been in my corner from day one. Literally. When I was born prematurely, and it was uncertain that I would survive, she got on her little 8 year-old knees and prayed that I would stick around, and she’s stuck with me ever since.

We couldn’t be more different - her style is fancy, mine is simple; I tend to swear, she tries not to; I love to push myself when I exercise, she has to push herself to exercise in the first place; she’s a republican, ummmm...I’m not.

Different though we may be, we couldn’t be closer, more committed or connected, and her influence has profoundly shaped my life in so many ways.

Because of her, my faith is central to who I am and what I stand for. 

Because of her, I’ve learned to make friends with the truth, no matter how inconvenient. 

Because of her, I understand the importance of creating margins in my life.

Because of her, I am (slowly) learning to laugh at myself and my many foibles.

Because of her, I set the table the day before the party. 

Because of her, my daughters have a place other than me to go to for wisdom and insight.

Because of her, I know what it is to have a safe place to tell the truth.

Because of her, I know that laughter is some of the best good medicine. 

And, because of her, I know what it is like to have someone walk by my side, come what may.

Happy Birthday M. 

Our world and my heart are better because of you. 

There’s Still Time

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf

(The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien )

_____________________________________________________________________________________

I woke up yesterday morning with these words ringing in my ears...

There’s still time.

As there are only four more days left in 2018, it seemed to be a reminder not to squander those four sacred days. Days that I will never get back. At this point in the year it can be easy to simply coast until the calendar turns over to a new year, thinking “I’ll get to fill-in-the-blank next year.”.  I’m not advocating taking on a huge project, or missing out on quiet, leisurely days with friends and family.

But.

I am suggesting that for me, and perhaps for others, there are things to be tended to now rather than later.  

• A conversation to have. 
• A change of mindset.
• Letting go of an old story so as to begin the new year with a better one. 
• Forgiveness to be extended or received. 
• A commitment to be made. 
• A decision to be finalized. 
• Hatchets to bury. 
• A wound ready to heal into a scar. 
• A stake to put in the ground about the work you want to offer in the year ahead. 
• Grace to be offered.
• A question to consider. 
• Baggage to leave behind.
• ? 

There’s still time.

This Is The Day

This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:24

The alarm went off at 5AM this morning. Opening my still sleepy eyes, this was the image that greeted me through our window.

The first words that came to mind were those of the writer of the words from the book of Psalms quoted above. Grabbing my phone I stepped out into the cold early morning air, the frozen grass crunching beneath my feet, and captured the image of the moon as it set, ushering in the morning of a new day.

Walking back into the house it dawned on me, again, that this day, like every day, is a gift. It is the day that has been given to us, and it is the day in which we can choose to rejoice.

Or not.

The Psalmist doesn't say, “Tomorrow is the day” or “Someday, or another day, or yesterday” She (or he for that matter) says, “This is the day”. He (or she for that matter) doesn’t say, “We are rejoicing” or “We should rejoice” or “We might, could, must, or will try to rejoice.” The Psalmist says, “We will rejoice and be glad in it.”

Rejoicing is a choice. A commitment to find a way to be glad in this day which has been given to us. It is the only one we have. The day before is gone, and the day ahead not promised. It is only this day in which we can choose to rejoice.

Or not.

As I look around the world that is within my reach (and don’t even get me started on the world at large), on any given day there is at least as much heartache as there is happiness, as much pain as there is peace, and as many problems as there are solutions. It is in the midst of the complexity of our very human lives that we are called to rejoice.

This is the day that has been given to us.

Will we rejoice in it?

Or not?

The choice is ours.

A Stake In The Ground

There is something about making a commitment out loud.

At the end of a workshop or retreat, I ask people to reflect on what they’ve discovered or learned as a result of our work together, and to write down, specifically, what commitments they are willing to make. What are their personal marching orders going forward? At this point I also advise them that as a way of closing out the time together, each person will have the chance to share one of their commitments, out loud, with the rest of the group. The caveat being that whatever they share, they are giving everyone in the room permission to support them in their efforts, check in on them, and help them stay accountable to their word.

It is inspiring to watch them think deeply and trust the information that surfaces for them. The words they write down are an important step in keeping them close to their intentions once they leave the room. But there is something powerful that happens when they give voice to their commitments. By speaking them out loud, they are putting a stake in the ground for others to see, and once it’s out there…well…it’s out there.

Recently I decided it was time to drive a stake in the ground myself. I’ve lived with tinnitus for a number of years now, and lately it has been ramping up even more. I’d give up almost anything to experience actual silence. Except coffee. I love coffee almost more than life, and my morning cup is about as sacred a ritual as any I can imagine. I go to bed at night in anticipation of that first cup the next morning. I. Love. Coffee.

However, as it turns out, coffee is one of the culprits that, for some people, can contribute significantly to this ringing I live with day and night.

I’ve known that fact for a while now.

I’ve inwardly made a commitment to think about eliminating it.

I’ve inwardly made a commitment to eliminate it…someday.

I’ve even written that commitment down.

But until a few days ago, that’s all it was. Some words written down on a page. That was the morning that I turned to my husband, hands wrapped around my favorite coffee cup, and said, out loud, Starting tomorrow, I am going to stop drinking coffee long enough to see if it makes a difference.

Tomorrow will be day number three.

My stake is in the ground.

Any stakes to put into the ground?

Just remember. Once it’s out there…well…it’s out there.