Where The Magic Happens

This morning I received phone calls from several people, each eager with anticipation, and maybe a little trepidation, about where life is calling them. New opportunities are appearing, decisions to be made are looming, and the clock is ticking. Which, to my coach’s mind, means that they are exactly where they are supposed to be. The temptation is almost always to play it safe, fearful as most of us are of failure and being found out. We lose sight of what we have to offer, and focus instead on what we perceive we lack. 

Playing it safe will never bring us closer to the authentic and wholehearted lives we are meant to live. To find our way there we must step over our carefully crafted comfort zones, venture out beyond the boundaries we’ve come to count on, and with the mind of an explorer, step out into the unknown.

At the intersection of our experience, expertise, and knowledge up until now, and the unknown territory of that which we have yet to discover, we find ourselves at our growing edge.

And that my friends, is where the magic happens. 

It's You Again

Things reappear in our lives for a reason, and if we are paying attention we’ll recognize them because of their familiarity. Our awareness that whatever “it” is has shown up again, has a sense of déjà vu to it. A feeling that we’ve been here before, and hoped that we wouldn’t have to be here again. But here again we are.

What to do with what has once again arrived at our doorstep? Will we turn out the lights, hide behind the door, and pretend no one is at home? Or, will we crack the door open, invite it in to sit awhile, and listen to what it has to say? One choice leads us away from, and the other deeper into, the authentic and wholehearted life that is ours to live.

When the detritus of my life shows up once more, my first response usually includes some form of profanity, and then discouragement that I have to deal with whatever it is. Again.

Apparently there is more to discover, or it wouldn’t be here again.

There’s some unfinished business to attend to, or it wouldn’t be here again.

There’s an issue to be resolved, or it wouldn’t be here again.

More healing of a still open wound, more truth to be told, more forgiveness to be sought or extended, more stripping away of my ego, or more fears to face. Whether it is any or all of the above, there’s more work to do, or it wouldn’t be here again.

Swearing at it and wishing it would go away doesn’t seem like a skillful way to proceed. Looking it squarely in the eye and greeting it does.

Oh. It’s you again. Come on in and let’s talk. I’m all ears.

We all have some form of “it”, and what goes around will keep coming around until it has had its way with us. The next time it shows up, let’s look it squarely in the eye, and greet it.

Oh. It’s you again. Come on in and let’s talk. I’m all ears.

With gratitude once again for my spiritual director, Dane Anthony, who continues to gently invite me to practice welcoming that which shows up at my door.

Be The Change

We are the most over-informed, under-reflective civilization in human history.

Quote from a conversation with Scott Allender on the Typology podcast hosted by Ian Cron

Let’s change that.

Tonglen

This morning in a rich and grace-filled conversation, I was reminded of a Buddhist spiritual practice that I’d learned about years ago, but have long since left behind. It is known as Tonglen, sometimes referred to as “taking and sending” or “bad in, good out”, and it is as simple as it sounds. For example, I might practice Tonglen for someone I know who is in pain or suffering a great loss, by bringing them to mind and taking in their pain and suffering with my in-breath, and with them still in mind, sending them relief when breathing out.

While simple it may be, it is anything but easy, as it means a willingness to take on the burdens of others by taking them into our very being, and as Pema Chodren explains in the link above, encountering the pain and suffering of others brings us face-to-face with our own. And who wants that, I ask you? But here’s the thing, in practicing it for others we can practice it for ourselves, as we inhale our own pain, and exhale relief back to our own hearts. With time, Tonglen helps us to connect our own pain with that of others, and to see that we are all in this rich and painful thing called life together. None are exempt, and as we sit in that connection we develop more capacity to extend compassion, love, and empathy, not only to others, but to ourselves.

In…pain.

Out…relief

In…suffering

Out…release

In…burden

Out…ease

In…imprisonment

Out…freedom

In…shame

Out…grace

In…fear

Out…courage

In…exhaustion

Out…rest

In…anxiety

Out…peace

In…judgement

Out…acceptance

In…hate

Out…love

In this same conversation I was also reminded that there are times when Tonglen will just be too much for us. Times when taking on any more is simply more than we can bear, and in those moments all we can do is simply breathe.

In…

Out…

In…

Out…

In…

Out…

Written with deep gratitude for my spiritual director, Dane Anthony, founder of SoulPrint

The Only Way

The labyrinth at Rancho La Puerta is a full scale replica of the one found at Chartres Cathredral. If you’ve never walked one, it is a powerful meditative ritual, with a meandering path that brings you to the center and leads you back out again.

While there are many insights to be gained from walking the spiraling path, this week I was reminded that if we are to live an authentic life out in the world, we must also be ready to walk the inner path where we encounter that which resides in our shadows. 

In life as with the labyrinth, the only way out, is the way in.

Self-Centering

A week at a health spa is unquestionably a privileged opportunity to engage in some serious self-care, and a privilege that should never, ever...as in never, ever, be taken for granted. Yet what I’ve found to be true among those who have the resources to have such a week, and those who never will, is a deep feeling that any form of self-care is selfish. That anytime we indulge in putting ourselves first, we are acting in a self-centered way, and none of us wants to be seen as someone who does that. 

I’ve come to see it differently.

All of us are here to serve others, and to be served. To give of ourselves, and to receive from others. To love, help, and heal the world and those within our reach, and to be loved, helped, and healed by those who reach out to us. Learning to care well for ourselves is what equips us to care well for others.  

I guess the simplest way to sum it up is that when we practice loving self-care, rather than being self-centered, we are able to operate from a centered self.

The Storm

Overnight a storm blew in.

Yesterday, it was sunny and breezy, with blue skies. Today, it is all rain, wind, and low clouds.

Yesterday, everyone was outside and active. Today, everyone is inside and still.

So much happens in the midst of a storm. Blossoms blow off trees preparing the way for new leaves, rain nourishes the thirsty earth, and the air is cleared.

What happens in nature is a picture of what is meant to occur in our own heart and soul.

When the storm blows in, allow it to do its work. 

From Here To There

The trail from here to there always starts with the ground upon which we stand. Sometimes it is the distance that seems insurmountable, and other times the chasm to be crossed appears so deep we can’t imagine finding our way across.

Either way, the only possibility of making our way there begins with our next step.

Onward. 

Together.

Our Own Pace

The Coyote Trail hike left this morning at 6:15. My favorite hike here at the Ranch, and one of the more challenging ones, this morning I was one of about 15 hikers heading out as the sun began to make its way up above the horizon.

About three miles into the hike it felt like I had the entire mountain all to myself. No sight of those ahead of me who were hiking at a faster clip, and no one dogging my steps from behind.

Just me, the mountain, and the heart stopping beauty of her bolder strewn landscape.

Time to think.

Time to reflect.

Time to wonder.

Time to give thanks. 

And, time to listen. 

That is what can happen when we find our own pace. 

Giving in to my ego and trying to keep up with those going faster, or slowing down so as not to leave others behind, would have robbed me of the solitude and silence I so crave. Either would have opened the door to disappointment and resentment. 

Because she had me all to herself, I could hear her as she whispered...

Find your own pace.

I am going to try and remember that. 

Remember

The Ranch is a reminder to trust the wisdom held deep within our bodies. 

Remember who you were before the world told you who you were supposed to be. 

Remember who you are and what you stand for, and never apologize for being true to yourself. 

Remember to trust the voice within. 

Remember to hold on to yourself. 

Remember to care well for yourself. 

Remember your strength. 

Remember that you are never alone.