Grounded

“Ground is what lies beneath our feet. It is the place where we already stand; a state of recognition, the place or the circumstances to which we belong whether we wish to or not. It is what holds and supports us, but also what we do not want to be true; it is what challenges us, physically or psychologically, irrespective of our hoped for needs. It is the living, underlying foundation that tells us what we are, where we are, what season we are in and what, no matter what we wish in the abstract, is about to happen in our body, in the world or in the conversation between the two.

To come to ground is to find a home in circumstances and in the very physical body we inhabit in the midst of those circumstances and above all to face the truth, no matter how difficult that truth may be; to come to ground is to begin the courageous conversation, to step into difficulty and by taking that first step, begin the movement through all difficulties, to find the support and foundation that has been beneath our feet all along; a place to step onto, a place on which to stand, and a place from which to step.”

- from Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words by David Whyte

The Dog Days Of Christmas

Blue and Ruthie are GSP/Labradors. Young, energetic, and both in training, they belong to our daughter and her husband. This current training requires that they interact with their owners, and no one else, to establish engagement and connection. They came for Christmas to our rural mountain home, and when not outside exercising on a long line, they were in the house, tethered to one of their owners, and smack dab in the middle of the crazy, wonderful family chaos that is Christmas. All of us had agreed to support them in their training efforts, and so basically ignored the dogs the entire time they were here. As counterintuitive as it seems, it was exactly what Blue and Ruthie needed to continue their growth as happy, fun, and loyal family members. It was a challenge to stick with the program, and, as it turned out, everyone was up to the task.

Gracie is our 12 week old chocolate labradoodle. She too is in training, which currently means that her world is pretty small. When not outside with one of us, she lives happily In the laundry room that allows her to see life beyond her world through the mesh of the baby gate across the doorway. Too much stimulation, and her world is turned upside down. Kind of like a kid who has too much screen time, she doesn’t know why she’s a wreck. She just is. We asked people to support us in our training efforts by interacting with her in short visits, with calm, quiet energy, and to basically ignore her the rest of the time. As counterintuitive as it seemed, it was exactly what Gracie needed to continue her growth as a happy, fun, and loyal family member. It was a challenge to stick with the program, and, it turned out, everyone was up to the task.

Christmas was definitely different because of the dogs. Wagging tails threatened wine glasses on low tables, we almost lost the leg of lamb on the kitchen counter to Blue when no one was looking, little Gracie had a couple of accidents when we lost track of time and forgot to take her out, and sleeping arrangements had to change to accommodate the canines.

The dog days of Christmas required that we all adjust, trust one another, and let go of expectations of how things should be, and get on with enjoying them exactly as they were. Which is kind of how life is supposed to be, don’t you think?

Not My Shoes

When someone we know goes through something difficult, it can be tempting to assume that how they feel in the midst of it is the same as what we would feel were we in their shoes. But we’re not.

Because we think we know how they are feeling, we assume we know what they need to do. But we don’t.

Years ago when I made the decision to leave my marriage I met with one of the pastors of our church. It was hands-down the hardest decision I’d ever made for a whole host of reasons, not the least of which was the poor light in which the church cast divorce. That being said, I felt certain of my decision, and hopeful for a different future. But sittting in his office I braced myself for  his words, expecting to hear that while he might understand how I was feeling, he needed to help me see the error of my ways  and how I could remedy them. However, after a few quiet moments, he simply said, I know what I am supposed to say, but I haven’t walked in your shoes. How are you feeling today? How can I best help you?

I’ve never forgotten that experience. Rather than burdening me with his expectations, he lightened the load of my experience. When someone is in the midst of the inevitable pain that comes with life, they are most in need of our quiet presence and a few simple words.

 I know what I am supposed to say, but I haven’t walked in your shoes. How are you feeling today? How can I best help you?

With gratitude to DR for knowing that we wore different shoes.

What Love Does

“That’s because love is never stationary. In the end, love doesn’t just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it. Simply put: love does.” 

~ Bob Goff Author of Love Does, and Everybody Always

A friend and I spent one weekend in front of the fire reading, crying, and laughing our way through Love Does by Bob Goff.

When it comes to love, his book title says it all…

Love Does.

Based just on what I’ve seen today, here are a few of the things love does:

Love picks up the phone and asks for help.

Love answers the phone and listens.

Love calls to see how you are doing.

Love checks the oil in your car.

Love comes to your home to grieve, and to heal.

Love opens the door to someone in need.

Love helps you mail a package at the post office.

Love sends you a text.

Love gives you room to roam.

Love yells “Shotgun!” when you try and run away.

Love stays home with the babies so you can prepare for your next lecture.

Love does what it takes to keep a sacred monthly phone date.

Love laughs with you at the most inopportune times.

Love lets you push its hands off your shoulders because that feels too claustrophobic, but continues to stand behind you in quiet support.

Love kisses you in the middle of the day.

Love asks “How’s your heart today?”

Love encourages you in your writing.

Love stands behind you.

Love stands beside you.

Love goes before you.

Love

Does

What did you see love do today?