Whenever we are in a relationship, there are times when there is work that needs to be done, and that work falls into three categories: yours, mine, and ours. A healthier order would be mine, yours, and ours, because when looking at the health and dynamics of our relationships, it’s best to start within.
Good questions to ask ourselves might be:
How have I contributed to the current state of this marriage/partnership/family dynamic/professional relationship/friendship/whatevership?
What am I doing to build or undermine trust and respect?
What do I need to communicate to the other person?
Do I need to seek forgiveness?
Have I clearly stated my needs?
Do I need to seek professional help to find my way to a healthier me?
What is mine to do?
What is on my side of the fence?
Starting there is always a win/win deal. No matter what the outcome of our own work, when done with curiosity, humility, courage, and integrity, we come out the side more fully formed as the person we are meant to be.
All that being said, not everything falls on our side of the fence. It is up to others to show up too, and hopefully they will. Sometimes that means doing their own work, and other times it means that we swing our gates open wide and inhabit the field of relationship building together.